Don’t forget to check out livefastdiepoor.comSource: livefastdiepoor.com
Why is it that when I get drunk at a bar and I try to get another Jack and Coke the bartender says, “Sorry, I can’t serve you anymore, you’ve had too many bro”. Bro? First of all, you don’t know me well enough to call me bro. Second, I’ll tell you when I’ve had enough. At a bar, it’s not okay to serve someone who’s highly intoxicated but if a fat person goes to a McDonald’s and they want a quarter pounder with cheese, large fries and a diet coke, you will never hear the very depressed employee uttered these words, “I’m sorry but you I can’t serve you anymore, you’ve had too many”. Where’s the justice, America?
Another thing that amuses me is people who are born citizens and do not know the state abbreviations. Especially the people who call themselves patriots or “real” Americans. You know those arrogant assholes who hate any language heard in America but English. I got a call once with a lady asking me:
“Why do I have to press one for English. I thought this was America, we only speak English here.”
“Well ma’am this is a business. And you’re right this is America and if you paid attention in school, you would know that not all immigrants that settled this land spoke English. Some were from Germany, France and the Netherlands. Even the Spanish were here way before the white settlers. And if Verizon wants to stay competitive we have to sell our product to every type of customer, regardless what language they speak. Now, does that make sense or would you like to tell you again?”
“No, no, I got it. Anyway I need some help. I have a city here but I don’t know the state. It says here ME. Is that Michigan?”
I am shocked that people who complain about pressing a number get upset but they don’t know the abbreviation of all fifty states. Can somebody tell me where in the name Michigan they can find the letter “E”. I’m 100% positive they taught this stuff in elementaryand last time I checked, education is free in America. Your parents just need to sign a few papers, get you a book bag and a pencil or two. At this point I really wanted to choke this lady but then I heard my moms voice “Never ever put your hands on a woman,” so I let that thought go and wished for her house to be infested with termites and grizzly bears. I don’t know if I can keep talking to stupid people. I feel stupid just talking to them.
P.S. Does anyone know when condoms go on sale? I need to stock up for this summer.
P.P.S. I forgot about this, so I found my high school yearbook photo and wanted to share it with you guys. Damn, I was so good looking back then.Source: livefastdiepoor.com
Showed this to my mom and she laughed. I think that means she’s proud of me.